Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 11, Episode 12
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the eleventh episode of the eleventh series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * CA - Chris Addison * MJ - Milton Jones * AP - Andy Parsons * KR - Katherine Ryan * JW - Josh Widdicombe Topics Lines You Wouldn't Hear In A Bond Movie HD '- Agents aren't what they used to be 007. Meet 118 118. '''JW '- One dry martini, shaken not stirred, and um, four Jägerbombs. 'AP '- So Bond, we're really pushing product placement in this film. So here's your new secretary, Miss moneysupermarket.com. 'CA '- Goldfinger, what are you doing with that laser? You've nearly burnt my cock off. 'HD '- So, laser guided, fires at will, lovely in the hand, incredible repeat speed. Tell me, Mr Bond, where do you get a penis like this? 'MJ '- MI6? No, you're a lot older than that, Bond. 'AP '- Aha, Mr Bond, it appears that somebody has stolen my cat. 'JW '- I'm sorry James, I'm going to have to remove your license to kill; also I would question the validity of this "Boob Inspector" card. 'KR '- Heeey, it's me, Pussy. Pussy Nomore? Yeah, post-op now. It's gone real good. 'MJ '- Professor, how could you? You tried to mix giant broccoli with three million eggs. So, your terrible flan has failed. 'CA '- And this watch that fires bullets, and I'm afraid that's all the gadgets I can give you Bond, I'm the eight items or less Q. '''HD - I think you may need an eye test, Bond. That sex-mad blonde you've been shagging in the embassy is Julian Assange. AP - So she's smuggling diamonds somehow, Bond, and it's your job to find out how. Just go to the hotel reception and ask for Fanny Vajazzle. Unlikely Things To Hear At A Party Conference MJ - Yes, I'm a millionaire. Yes, I went to Eton. But I really feel I can relate to the rest of you scum. AP - My name's Dave, like the TV channel. We both repeat the same old shit over and over again. CA - Would Nick Clegg please come to Lost Property, where his missing spine has been handed in? HD - Am I to the left? Am I to the right? I'll be honest, it depends which trousers I'm wearing. JW - So that concludes the conference. One more question. Would anyone like to buy a forty foot sign with the word "Conservatives" written on it? AP - I'd avoid the hotel bar. Ann Widdecombe's in there reading Fifty Shades of Grey. CA - It has just been unacceptable cut after unacceptable cut. Why can't Boris Johnson find a proper hairdresser? HD - Welcome to the UKIP conference, the first conference to be held here in Islamabad. JW - Education. Education. Education--- Can someone fix my autocue, please? CA - POLITICIANS, READY!! GLADIATORS, READY!! KR - (huge gasp) Let's get drunk and join the Euro. MJ - This government say they are phasing out Roman numerals. Not on my watch. HD - There have never been enough women in this party, and that is why, from this afternoon, you can call me ... Stephanie. AP - Our strategy for this Labour conference is "Embrace The Geek" and not as I said earlier, "Release The Gimp." KR - Here in support of Testicular Cancer awareness week, it's shadow chancellor Ed Ball. CA - Well, I don't know about you, but I have swallowed so much semen this weekend. AP - My name's Dave, like the TV channel. And I repeat the same old shit over and over again. Category:Lines you wouldn't hear in a Bond movie Category:Unlikely things to hear at a party conference